i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
