Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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