I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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