the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're like the curious george of whores
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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