I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
