you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
