I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
