oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
