i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the day after is always just damage control
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your cock deserves a montage
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
