i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
