Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
