you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Less talking, more tequila
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
