I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
