I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
