So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
