Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
