my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
