walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
