How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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