i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
