I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
