he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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