And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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