I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
