The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
are you so shy because you have an std?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
