My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
