just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
