you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
