you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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