Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
