JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
