My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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