I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
