i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
