No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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