So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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