My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
