You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
