don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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