I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
