When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were trust falling into bushes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
