Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
birth control should be required to get into college
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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