**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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