I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
