I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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