So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
