i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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