She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
