I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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