the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
